


For the End of the World (seeking a friend)

by ideliagirl



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Apocalypse, Criminal Justice, End of the World, Eventual Smut, F/M, Last days of mankind, Mentions of religion, On BOTH SIDES, Smut, be warned if it freaks you out, but there has to be plot first, devoted exes, divided political landscapes, lovers reunited, lovers seperated, mentions of potential terrorism, radical political activism, sorry - Freeform, that author has no bias toward or against
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 05:00:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20371084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ideliagirl/pseuds/ideliagirl
Summary: As an asteroid barrels toward Earth that will wipe out mankind, Rey sits in her empty apartment and thinks of how almost one-third of her short life has been filled with regret. And loneliness.After an enlightening phone conversation, a knock on her door gives her the chance to rectify that in her last few hours of existence.





	For the End of the World (seeking a friend)

**Author's Note:**

> Be warned: not only will this talk about the end of the world that will not be magically reversed at the last minute, but about religion and political beliefs from both sides of the spectrum. Author truthfully believes that no one side is right if they don't listen to and at least try to understand the other side, so please be respectful.
> 
> Also there will be smut! I promise. But Damn It I had to give you some plot first.
> 
> A/N: contains flashbacks that will be in italics.

There had been a countdown for the last two weeks. Scrolling along the bottom of the television screen on every channel.

How macabre.

As if anyone needed to be reminded of the dwindling time left. As if they needed to see the satellite tracking of the path of their inevitable destruction. It had been a permanent ticking clock in the mind of every human being ever since the event had been announced on-air by fifteen different heads of state broadcasting live to fifty-four different nations.

When they announced that in twenty days it would all be over.

Halfway through the President’s speech, Rey heard Finn gasp from where he sat next to her on the couch, only moving to haul Rose into his lap when they heard her begin to sob from her spot on the floor. Kaydel and Poe were wedged into Rey’s old recliner, and she had curled into a fetal position and tucked her face into the crook of his neck, her small body trembling softly.

Rey had caught Poe’s gaze, his eyes wide and mouth gaped open in horror. She only shook her head in dismay.

That had been nineteen days ago. She was now alone in her apartment, looking out her window onto the shockingly empty streets of the Embarcadero.

Rose and Finn had offered to have her at their place when the end came, but they had their beautiful toddler, Little Paige, to think of, and Rey decided to give the young family their privacy.

Poe and Kaydel were in his sailboat, out on the Pacific, having said their goodbyes two days ago. He even said they might get a good view of the asteroid falling to the Earth from out on the sea. She wanted to remind her old friend that an apocalyptic asteroid plummeting in a global catastrophic event was not the same as making out with your girlfriend underneath a summer meteor shower—but why break their happy illusion?

From what she could see of the San Francisco bay shoreline, only two or three restaurants remained open for customers. Even that many made her wonder…..who would want to spend their last days waiting tables, frying up clams, or mixing strawberry-mango daquiris?

The thought of food made her turn around and amble into her kitchen, opening her fridge to find bread, milk, butter, orange marmalade, and of course the large pot of Pho that Rose had brought over yesterday—when she and Finn and Little Paige had all embraced Rey with watery smiles and declarations of love, before silently walking back out the door.

She closed the fridge, only to have a triumphant recollection cross her mind. Smiling for the first time that day, she opened the freezer and pushed aside the flash-frozen green beans to set her eyes on the prize.

Grasping the frosty bottle of Grey Goose, she wandered over to the vintage record player below her windowsill. Sitting Indian-style in front of it, she ran her finger along the shelf that held the record collection she’d amassed over the last decade: Dire Straits, Tom Waits, Patti Smith, Bruce’s _Greetings from Asbury Park_, and of course, her baby……..an original pressing of _Let it Be_ that she’d found in that ramshackle thrift shop in Las Cruces.

But taking a swig of the chilled vodka, she decided to go down the rabbit hole of ‘thoughts she probably shouldn’t think in these last hours of existence’ and pulled out a neglected album from the very last slot on her shelf. She sighed as she ran her fingertips over the cover, and then let her eyelids flutter closed in remembrance.

_**********_

_“Is this a gag gift?” She asked with her lip quirking up, turning the worn album cover over and over in the hopes it would magically turn into something else when she flipped it right again._

_“No.” He brought his hand to his chest in mock outrage. “I spent three days looking through every record store from here to Kingdom Come for that!” He reached over to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. “It’s uber-vintage!”_

_“It’s jazz, Ben.” She groaned playfully, tucking herself into his side. “If I wanted to hear sounds that drove me crazy, I’d bang on the pots and pans in my kitchen.”_

_“First of all, you don’t have any pots and pans in your kitchen,” he chuckled, putting his arm around her shoulder and brushing a kiss to her temple. “and second of all, it’s not jazz. It’s **One Night in Birdland**.”_

_“Are you mental? Of course it’s jazz.” She elbowed his side with a giggle on her lips. “Charlie Parker is the epitome of jazz.”_

_“Yes, that’s my point!” he exclaimed with joy, hands thrown up in the air. “Charlie Parker is so the epitome of jazz that he transcends jazz!”_

_“Uh-huh.” She laughed, falling back down to the bed. She looked up at him with a huge smile on her face, holding out her hand. “Not buying it, Solo.”_

_“Fine.” He smirked back at her, taking her hand and reclining next to her. “I also visited the scrapyard in Terre Haute and found the intake valve you need for your Falcon.”_

_Her face smoothed over with wonderment and she wrapped her arms around him tightly, planting kisses all over his face. “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.”_

_“Happy birthday, Rey.” He ran a gentle thumb across her cheek, then winked at her as he moved his hands down to snag on her t-shirt and brush his fingers along her bare ribcage. “And just so you know, it’s now my mission in life to make you like jazz.”_

_**********_

She pulled the record from the cover, running her fingertips over the black grooves. But as she pulled it out, a slip of paper fell from out of the pocket and onto the rug at her feet. She thought she knew what it was, and putting the record down, reached for the small square of paper with trembling hands.

She took in a sharp breath when she turned it over and read the words in garish and bold ink.

**7pm, November, 9th First Order Hall: Admittance One.**

The ticket only admitted one, but Ben had been with her that night. It was almost as if she could still feel the way his hand twined with hers as they stood in the audience and listened to the speech with rapt appreciation. Could still feel the adrenaline that coursed through her veins later that night as the two of them stayed up until the early morning hours talking animatedly about the new ideas they’d heard that evening:

_Order. An end to chaos. An end to the old ways that caused gridlock where nothing ever changed. A new beginning where the position and status you were born into meant nothing, and all that mattered was the intellect and drive that every single person held within themselves. _

Except, looking back now, she could see they _weren’t_ new ideas. They were the oldest and most savage ones: _division, tribalism, brother-against-brother. _They were just wrapped up in a more attractive and acceptable package.

It was an intoxicating sales pitch to an orphan with no connections and no family name. But it was also intoxicating to an only son who got everything in his life _because of_ his ubiquitous connections and illustrious family name, and whose accomplishments everyone always assumed were founded on nepotism.

And somehow, that night, all their hopes and plans for the future were channeled _not _to their top-tier education, _not_ to their youth and vigor, and _not _to his supportive family. But to the man who spoke with self-proclaimed righteousness and purpose in the First Order event hall in South Bend, Indiana.

_Snoke._

Her stomach lurched at the memory and she jumped up from the floor to run to her toilet. But before she emptied the vodka and digestive acid which were the sole tenants of her stomach, she managed to pull herself to stand up straight and take several slow, deep breaths—staving off her vomiting. And as she willed her heartbeat to stop pounding in her chest, she looked deep into her own eyes reflected in the vanity mirror.

‘_No.’_ she thought as she shook her head. ‘_this is not the time for that. You’ve carried that shame with you since it happened. You’ll be dead soon—don’t carry it with you when you go.’_

She ran her left hand down to smooth the wrinkles of her shirt. But her right hand still held the stub clenched in its palm. She felt a tear trail down her cheek.

_‘You pulled yourself out of it. It took a while, and it took its toll, but you got out._’ the voice in her head told her. But as she looked down at the ticket and scratched a fingernail over the shimmering black ink, her gut clenched as she admitted the truth. ‘_Yes, but Ben almost didn’t.’_

She moved her hand over the toilet, and let the ticket fall into the bowl. As she heard the flush and saw the stub swirl down into nothingness, she just had one thought:

_‘Forgive me, Ben.’_

Her back was against the wall with her legs spread out on the floor in front of her, and she was making steady progress on dwindling the contents of the bottle. She had her face turned to the window and kept moving the needle of the record player back to the edge of the disk, replaying the tunes over and over. Nearly half of the vodka was gone, and while she listened to the record, she had to admit that Charlie Parker and his saxophone sounded a lot better with the chilly spirits thrumming in her bloodstream and smoothing out their rough edges.

She crawled forward, then rolled onto her side to curl up in a ball on her handwoven rug. Her eyes closed, and she began to drift into a state of in-between.

She heard Ben’s deep voice in her mind as she lulled into a light fitful sleep.

_“I don’t have to leave.”_

She sleepily mumbled to herself into the emptiness of her San Francisco apartment. “What did you say?”

Suddenly, she was back in the glorified closet that had been her off-campus studio apartment at Notre Dame.

**********

_“What did you say?” Her eyes narrowed with a strange smile on her lips._

_“Well,” Ben looked around her small front hallway uncertainly, his scarf in his hands and a lock of black hair falling in his eyes. “We’ve been standing here by your front door, and I’ve been trying to leave for the last forty minutes.”_

_The smile on her lips fell, and an embarrassed flush began to crawl up her neck. “Oh, I didn’t mean…….I’m sorry.”_

_“I’m not.” He shook his head, lips quirked upwards as he reached down and joined their fingers. “That’s the thing. I’ve been trying to leave………without actually trying. I don’t actually want to.” _

_Her eyes widened. “But it’s nighttime.”_

_“Yeah.” He chuckled airily, looking at her so, so very fondly. “I understand how the upward movement of chronological hours work.”_

_She laughed sweetly and her head fell back into the wall behind her before she pushed off and shyly leaned closer to him. It was soft, almost like a whispered secret. “I’ve never done that. Ya know, asked a boy to stay.”_

_“I know. And it doesn’t have to mean what some people might.…….I just don’t want to leave.” He gently wrapped his large hands around her upper arms and leaned down to press his forehead to hers. “Do you feel…………”_

_She didn’t answer verbally, but she knew with their heads pressed together that he could feel her nod. She ran a light hand up to run through the curls at the back of his neck._

_He took in a sharp breath. “Don’t be afraid, I feel it too.”_

_“If you don’t want to leave, and I don’t want you to leave,” she lifted her chin so she could brush her upper lip along his lower. “Then don’t leave.”_

**********

The ringing of her cell pulled her from the dream—the memory—and she was suddenly back in the unfortunate present. She pulled herself up onto her elbows and blearily looked around for the source of the infernal chiming. She located her phone on the nearby coffee table and crawled over. The number was unknown, but she went ahead and put the phone to her ear, immediately flopping back to lay on the floor.

“Hello.” She mumbled out.

“Yes, hello.” The voice began hesitantly. “I’m looking for Rey Niima.”

She closed her eyes, feeling the beginnings of a vodka headache. “Well, you found her. Don’t know for how much longer, though.”

“Rey,” the man started, then paused for a long while. “This is Father Luke.”

She sat up like a rocket, eyes wide as saucers. “Jesus Christ.”

Strangely enough, she heard quiet laughter coming through the other end of the line. “Impressive, that is both the most appropriate _and inappropriate_ thing to say in this situation.” He began with an almost hint of admiration. “But I suppose I should expect nothing less from you.”

She let out a resigned sigh. “Well, wouldn’t want to get lazy just because it’s the end of the world.”

“No, now is not the time for laziness.” Father Luke’s sigh matched her own. “Or regret.”

“Are you real?” She rubbed her tired eyes. “I’m only asking because I’m pretty sure I’m reasonably drunk, and the vodka I’m drunk on is of a much higher quality than I’m used to, so I’m not certain if I should be anticipating auditory hallucinations.” Rey looked around at her surroundings. “And if you are real, how’d you get this number?”

“I am real. I can commiserate on the drunkenness, though I’ve been getting drunk on 12-year-old Glenlivet,” he cleared his throat. “and I got your number from Han and Leia.”

Of course. While Ben’s parents had been rocked to their core by what happened, the older couple had at least not thought of her as an instrument of the devil who’d come to defile their decent, god-fearing son, and then thrown her out like last week’s discount fish dinner.

“How are they?” She asked, not sure if she really wanted to know.

“Oh, well, Han is Han. About everything. That at least hasn’t changed.” Luke chuckled slightly, before turning instantaneously sad. “Leia’s grown more introspective over the years……quieter. But if you were asking about their more recent well-being—meaning their well-being in the _last few weeks, at least_—I truthfully don’t know.”

“Oh?” Her voice raised slightly.

“They went up to the Lake House.” He informed, his inflection giving nothing away. “They were happiest there, and they want to be there when…….”

“Yeah,” Rey sighed into the empty room. “_when…….”_

“I’ve stayed behind in South Bend.” Luke told her without prompting. “Ministering to both my parish and the campus. Wherever I’m needed.”

“I imagine the needs of the parish have been great, people seeking absolution and preparing their sinful souls for the next world.” Rey readily agreed, pulling herself onto the sofa. “But is there even anyone _left _on campus?”

“You’d be surprised. Some people have even returned here to spend their last days.”

“You don’t say.” Her eyebrows lifted. “All clergy?”

“No. Former students too.” He corrected gently. “For some people, the time they spent here was the greatest in their lives.”

“I wouldn’t know.” She took a deep, fortifying breath—suddenly seeing red. “As it turned out, Berkeley was a better fit for me. Since it seems _all I am_ is just a radical, liberal nutjob who was out to destroy every conservative construct in my path.”

His voice was barely above a whisper when he finally responded. “I’m sorry, Rey.”

“Oh, really? What could _you_ possibly have to be sorry for?” She bit out, all the resentment over the last seven years seeping out in her words. She reached for the vodka and unscrewed the top.

But just as easily as the bitterness came out, it left her altogether. And a weight that had been settled in her heart for seven years, floated away as light as a balloon.

“I….I apologize, Father.” She put the bottle down on the floor, looked to her lap and spoke truthfully. “I can’t say that those words and that caustic attitude hasn’t been bubbling right beneath the surface since the moment you identified yourself……… but now I realize, that’s not actually _what I want to feel right now_.”

There was another very long pause.

Finally, Rey spoke again with both curiosity and concern. “Something troubling you, Father?”

“Yes.” He chuckled in self-deprecation. “My knees.”

Of its own volition, her mouth quirked in a smile. “I’m intrigued to discover how you plan to blame your sore knees on me.”

“My penance. I’ve spent most of the last few weeks praying.” He said matter-of-factly. “Finally, the Lord offered me the insight that it might not be _his_ forgiveness that I wished for.”

“Mine? You want _my forgiveness_?” She let out a short burst of laughter.

“Actually, I want you to know that I offer my amends, and that I seek your forgiveness.” He began carefully. “While at the same time acknowledging to you that I’m not expecting you to give it. What I did to you, it may have been unforgiveable, Rey.”

Rey’s eyes began to water. “If it weren’t the end of the world, I might agree. But now, there might not be _anything_ that’s unforgiveable.” She caught sight of the finger-painted rainbow artwork that Little Paige had made for her months ago, stuck up on the corkboard above her desk. She then wondered if there wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do for that little girl. “And what you did, it didn’t come from a hateful place. You were concerned, you loved your nephew.”

“I thought I was losing my pull within the community, and I was angry. What happened with Ben was only a small part of that.” His voice was trembling when he continued. “I knew certain truths about Snoke, and I assumed those same truths applied to you.”

“While at the same time assuming that Ben was an innocent who’d had his heart turned when he was ensnared between the legs of the harlot from the orphanage on the wrong side of the tracks.” She finished for him.

He waited a few beats to respond. “It never occurred to me that Ben had been searching for something in his life that he wasn’t getting from his family. I thought since his entanglement with Snoke was wrapped in darkness, then that meant his relationship with you was founded in darkness as well.” He sucked in a deep breath. “I know now that you truly loved each other.”

Rey’s heart stopped, before resuming with the rapid beat of a bullet train. “How do you know _that_?”

The answer was a mere exhalation. “Ben told me.”

**********

_“I want you to join me.” Ben held out his hand for her, shaking with need. “Please.”_

_They were standing in the freezing cold and abandoned warehouse. She wore no jacket, scarf, or gloves, because she had run out of her apartment the moment she got his phone call, with no other thought than getting to him as quickly as she could._

_“Please don’t do this, Ben.” A tear ran down her face. “Please don’t go this way.”_

_“Why are you still holding on?” His outstretched hand clenched in on itself as his voice rose in frustration. “Snoke is the way, he’s wise. You’re holding on to old ways that need to die. Why? When we could create a new world together.”_

_“A horrible world!” She screamed back at him, wrapping her arms around herself, chest heaving with a sob. “Where anyone who disagrees with us is discounted, discredited, or disappeared.”_

_Ben scoffed and turned from her. “Once the people who are destroying our country are taken care of, and the new system is set up, that will not EVER happen.” He pointed an accusing finger at her. “You were cast aside like garbage, put in that orphanage with that monster who only used you for your state-aid payments. And even with all you’ve accomplished to pull yourself up out of that, you are still looked down upon by those snobs and hypocrites—simply because you don’t carry the name of Skywalker, or Amidala, or Organa.”_

_“None of that matters to me!” She cried, viciously wiping the tears from her cheeks. “As long as you’re with me, I couldn’t care less what anyone thinks of me, Ben. Come with me, right now. And we’ll go to your mother, or your uncle--”_

_“Oh, that’s right,” he snorted, shaking his head in exasperation. “Straight back to them, and THEIR life. I had those family names, the names that would open any door I wanted to walk through, regardless of whether I earned it, and yet I never accomplished anything real in my life………” he walked to her carefully, slowly and tenderly taking her face in his hands. “……….until you. Until I met you. And now, with you and Snoke—”_

_“NO. Just Snoke.” She sneered as she pushed his large hands away, her cheeks immediately missing his warmth. “You do this, and it’s JUST Snoke. I want no part of this.”_

_His face crumpled as a tears began to fall out the corner of his eye. “Rey.”_

_“And between the two of us, I’M the only one who loves you—the real you. The real Ben. I love that Ben so much.” She stepped backwards, away from him. “Snoke feels nothing but a mad craving for power. He takes people who have good intentions—who want to make the world better—and he twists them to work his will. He says he wants to do away with division, with bias……….yet he tells us that the people who are on the other side of the political spectrum are stupid, or delusional—”_

_Ben screamed up to the high-beamed ceiling. “They’re closing down Planned Parenthood, trying to deny Supreme Court-given rights to marriage, locking immigrants up in cages and ripping their children away from them, putting people who’ve spent their lives ruining the environment…….in charge of protecting the environment—”_

_“Yes, and all of that is horrible. And we have to work to stop all of that.” Her eyes pleaded with him. “But I guarantee you that Snoke doesn’t care ANYTHING about that! He sees this as means to elevate himself, by sowing chaos—"_

_He roughly carded his hands through his hair. “You can’t tell me that you actually BELIEVE—”_

_“It doesn’t matter what I believe!!!” She screamed back at him. “Conservative, Liberal, Republican, Democrat!!! You can’t make the world better by just getting RID OF the people on the other side!” She began to frenetically pace in a circle. “That’s not bringing the world together, Ben. That’s tearing it apart.”_

_“YOU’RE tearing ME apart.” His lip trembled and he clenched his eyes shut. “I feel like I’m being torn apart, right now, with what you’re doing.” He opened his eyes again, staring right into hers. “I had a vision of you standing by my side—I thought you’d be with me.”_

_“Snoke is using you.” She told him plainly, walking back to him and stroking a gentle hand down the side of his face. “And when he’s gotten what he needs from you, he’ll cast you aside. And then they’ll be nothing left of the Ben Solo that I love.”_

_“Please.” Ben dropped to his knees before her, wrapping his arms around her middle and nuzzling his face into her hip. “You’re everything I love most in this world, and I can’t do this alone.”_

_“You’re not alone. You’ve never been alone.” She put her hands in his hair and began to quietly sob, tears running unimpeded down off her jawline. “Unless you do this thing.” She reached behind her and pried his hands from the small of her back. “If that happens, you’ll be alone……….and you might never find your way back.”_

_“Rey.” He whispered despondently as she walked away, so softly she might not have heard him._

_She opened the shuttered metal exit door and looked back one last time. “I love you, Ben Solo.”_

_She ran to the Falcon and quickly slipped inside. Once the door was closed, she screamed until her lungs and throat began to hurt and slammed her hands onto the steering wheel. She threw the car in drive as great wracking sobs escaped her, and she speed out of the abandoned industrial park, gravel flying behind the Falcon’s rear bumper. _

_When she was far enough away, she pulled over into another parking lot. Turning the car off, she let her forehead fall to the steering wheel, eyelids slipping shut in despair. She focused on taking deep breaths, and when she felt she could finally stop shaking for more than thirty seconds, she took out her phone._

_Her finger hovered over the name on her screen for nearly a minute, before she finally pressed it and put the phone to her ear._

_“Leia.” She began in greeting, clearing her scratchy throat. _

_“Oh, Rey, darling is that you?” The older woman began._

_“Yeah, it’s me.” She responded without inflection._

_“Say, can you and Ben come over for dinner on Thursday?” Leia gave a soft, lovely chuckle. “Tell my wayward son I’ll even make that weird Greek lasagna thing he loves, if that’s what it takes to get your butts sitting at our dining room table.”_

_Rey took a trembling breath. “We can’t have dinner on Thursday, or any other day.”_

_There was a slight gasp on the other end. “Rey, honey, is something wrong?”_

_“Yes.” Rey began to cry outright, head falling back to the headrest in sudden and complete exhaustion. “Something is very wrong. I need you to know that I’m doing this because I love your son. And if we don’t move fast—nothing will ever be right again.”_

_**********_

Rey cleared her throat, sinking back off the couch to lay on the floor once more. “How—” she stopped, trying to think of any possible way she could ask the question without it being the most awkward thing she’d ever asked. She couldn’t think of anything. “How is he?”

She only heard Luke’s rapid breaths before he answered simply. “He’s okay.”

She ran her fingers over the knots of her area rug. “Is he at the Lake House with Han and Leia?”

“He was.” There was another pause that made Rey think he was debating on whether to continue. “He’s gone off again.”

“Gone off?” Rey’s eyebrows furrowed in concern. “_Again_?”

“He’s been known to do that from time to time.” Luke confirmed without accusation. “Just when he needs to be alone with his thoughts. It scared Leia to death at first, but she’s gotten used to it. He never gets into trouble, never stays gone for long, never goes too far. Of course, that’s because he can’t—or he _couldn’t_, rather, I don’t suppose it matters these days—but with the conditions of his probation, and all it entailed.”

Rey felt like she was swallowing a stone down her throat. “Right.”

**********

_“Rey.”_

_“Poe.” She gripped the phone tighter in her hand. “So……tell me.”_

_Poe exhaled loudly into the receiver. “Seven months at County Jail. Seven years’ probation.”_

_Her back slid down the wall until her butt soundly hit the floor. A chill seized inside her chest._

_“He has to go to jail?” Her voice was barely a croak._

_“Rey, it would have been a lot worse.” Poe began assuredly, soothingly. “If what was planned had been allowed to come to fruition. If you and Leia hadn’t stopped it when you………” he stopped, knowing that the issue was still sore. “They would have thrown the book at him—the same as Snoke.”_

_She sucked in a sharp breath, and practically spit the next question in her hatred of the man. “And what of Snoke?”_

_“Life in prison.” Poe’s inflection for the first time in ages had a hint of elation to it. “Nice to know that at least some part of the Justice System is working correctly.” _

_“Or it just means that the Justice System can spot the monsters of the world quicker and more clearly than we can.” She responded regretfully._

_There was a long stretch of silence before Poe spoke again. “He was looking around the courtroom for you. At the hearing. Ben was.”_

_“Yeah.” She hung her head in shame. “You’re gonna have to prepare him.”_

_“For what?” _

_Rey looked around her empty apartment, the tiny space cleared of all personal items. Her suitcase stood by the door next to the group of sealed boxes of her belongings that were scheduled to be picked up tomorrow. _

_“I’m not going to be here.” She admitted softly._

_Poe scoffed. “What are you talking about?”_

_“My transfer request’s been approved to Berkeley.” She tried for a smile, or at least tried to sound content to the person who couldn’t see her despair. “The summer term starts in three days. My flight’s this afternoon.”_

_“Rey, come on.” _

_“I can’t. I can’t be here anymore.” She cleared her throat roughly, the tears rising in her chest. “It’d be better for everyone.”_

_“Rey, if this is about Father Luke………let me talk to Leia, and she’ll talk to him.” Poe spoke as if he couldn’t believe that any of this was happening. “We’ll get him to tone down his rhetoric, his smear campaign against you. We’ll get him to see that this wasn’t your fault.”_

_She let out a snort of derision. “This WAS my fault, Poe.”_

_“No. Stop it. You know it WASN’T.” Poe stated forcefully. “And any involvement you DID have is certainly not enough to let Luke force you from your life here.”_

_“This isn’t just Luke. This is MY decision.” Rey corrected with the same forcefulness. “And I HAVE no more life here, not without Ben.”_

_Poe’s question sounded slight and small in her ear. “Why does it have to be without Ben?”_

_“Because it does.” A tear fell down her face. “If he has any chance to move on, I have to separate myself from this whole thing. I knew when Leia and I called the police, that I would lose any future I might have had with him. But that’s okay, if he can still HAVE a future.”_

_Poe’s gulp was audible. “You’re not even going to say goodbye.”_

_“No.” She sniffed, running her hand along her damp cheek. “No, I……..I’m leaving him the Falcon. It’s at a self-storage off Ireland Road. I paid it up for the year, so it should be there when he gets out.”_

_“Wow.” Poe exhaled softly, sadly. “When I first meet you guys on the Hayes Lawn three years ago, I never would have thought it would end this way.”_

_“Me neither.” Her lip trembled, but she shook her head and rose from the floor, smoothing out her jacket. “You look me up if you ever find yourself out on the West Coast, Poe Dameron. You’ll always have a place on my couch.”_

_“I might just take you up on that someday.” He chuckled fondly. “You were a true friend, Rey—to everyone. Those are few and hard to find.”_

_“Yeah, well.” She found her purse on the kitchen counter, rooted around inside and found her apartment key, leaving it on the formica near the sink. “Will you do a favor for me?”_

_“Of course.” Came the reply without hesitation._

_She walked to her front door, grasped the handle of her luggage, then turned to look at her hollow former small living space one last time. “Tell Ben……tell him I’m sorry.”_

**********

“It was wrong of me to do what I did. To treat you as I did.” Father Luke’s voice pulled her back to the present. “To ride you out of town on a rail.”

Rey laughed slightly. “You’re not the first person to claim that you did that to me, but the truth is, _you didn’t_.” She picked a miniscule speck of lint off her jeans. “Even as much sway on the community as you had, it wasn’t enough to expel me from the University and drive me across half of a continent. _I_ left the school, _I_ moved to Berkeley.”

“But I made life very uncomfortable for you. The way I spoke about you.” Another deep sigh. “On TV, on the radio, even at the pulpit.”

“Yeah, that was a pretty dick move on your part.” She confirmed with an air of humor.

“I abused my authority, my influence.” Luke admitted plainly. “Even if _I hadn’t been mistaken_ about your level of involvement, it still would have been wrong. I’m sorry, Rey.”

“Well, I wasn’t much better when it first started.” She ran a hand through her hair. “Basically thinking anyone who didn’t believe exactly what I believed was ignorant, or stupid, or a cave-dwelling Neanderthal.”

She heard Luke chuckle. “_The whole world is never whole if you only listen to people who speak with your voice_.”

Rey’s brow furrowed, intrigued. “What quote is that from?”

He laughed again, louder this time. “_You_ said that, Rey.”

“I did?” Her eyes widened. “When?”

“Your Masters’ degree dissertation. It’s still on the UC Berkeley web server.” He said with admiration. “I Googled you a few days ago.”

“Oh, geez, that’s moderately terrifying.” She grimaced, then broke into a laugh.

“Ben’s mentioned once or twice what you’ve been up to.”

Rey’s heart stopped for about the tenth time during the call. She whispered. “Ben?”

“Mm-hmm.” He hummed in the affirmative. “You consult with schools?” It was a question, but it was implicit that he already knew the answer. “To teach techniques on Unity and Conflict Resolution.”

A small, sad smile graced her face. “After what happened, there were very few other paths I could’ve taken. I had to make…….all of it _mean something_.”

“Well, I think you succeeded.” He spoke with conviction.

“I didn’t save the world.” She shrugged, even though she knew he couldn’t see her. “Not that I’m arrogant enough to think that was my goal.”

“The world’s about to be decimated by an asteroid,” Luke snorted affably. “all the conflict resolution that exists wouldn’t be enough to stop that. But, if it means anything, I bet you made some of those kid’s lives a little more peaceful.”

She nodded to herself. “Father Luke, I know you said you don’t expect my forgiveness.” She took a deep breath. “But, if it means anything……..you _have it.”_

She heard sniffling, and knew he was either near tears, or already crying. “It _does_ mean something.”

Rey wiped away a tear as well. “I’m glad.”

“Well, I think that might be a good place to leave it.” He cleared his throat. “Good luck, Rey.”

She smiled, looking out the window to the blue sky. “Godspeed, Father Luke.”

She ended the call and rose from her spot on the rug to walk back over to the record player and replace the needle to the edge. Once again, Charlie Parker’s saxophone filled the apartment.

She looked out onto the shore, smiling when she finally saw some signs of life. A couple and their small child playing amongst the sand. It was a beautiful day, the sun shining high in the sky and the dark blue water of the ocean only choppy enough to make small pinpoints of whitecaps appear on the surface.

She had a thought to leave the apartment, walk along the shore in her bare feet. But then she wouldn’t be able to hear the notes of Bird and his magic sax. She laughed to herself, wondering what Ben would feel if he’d heard her thoughts just then.

Probably vindication.

She opened the window and felt a gentle breeze. Outside was probably not a bad idea. But even though a field trip would be easy to do—for God’s sake, her sandals were in the corner _less than four feet_ away—there was something inside her that was keeping her indoors.

An anticipation that she couldn’t quite explain.

Just then, a knock pulled her from her thoughts. She turned from the window and walked to the front door, the impending end of the world causing her to become negligent in her self-set rule of always looking through the peephole. She yanked the door open with a smile.

It stayed frozen on her face, along with the rest of her body. In the hallway outside her front door, was the person she now realized she’d spent the last three weeks ardently and desperately wishing she could see. _Three weeks? Try seven years._

“Ben.”


End file.
